December 2009
34 posts
“I’m not really into this whole ‘gentleman’ thing—so make sure you bring some cash for your meal.”
THINGS MY DATE REALLY SAID LAST NIGHT is taking a two week vacation. don’t be mad. we’ll be back mid-january. please keep track of the things your dates say in the meantime, and keep contributing.
thanks <3
“Wow, you eat more than I do!”
“I was raised Catholic. I mean, I don’t believe in abortion. I say ‘Let it live’. I mean, I’d take care of it. Just let it live. Let it live. I say, let it live. Really, just let it live.”
“Cancer is soooo funny!”
“I get nervous when people look me in the eyes, so could you not? What size shoe do you wear?”
“I got a girl I dated pregnant… Thankfully she was normal about it and got it taken care of.”
“You think the government doesn’t know the world is gonna end in a couple of years? Oh, they know. And they’re not going to have a plan for us, just for themselves.”
“Ohhh, so that is what a vagina looks like!”
DEAR READER,
THINGS MY DATE REALLY SAID LAST NIGHT has a facebook page. if you’re a fan, let’s make this official. the more you spread the word, the more submissions we’ll get, and the better the reading will be. do it for the team.
THANK YOU <3
“Wow, your stomach is so soft—like a pillow.”
“I’m really glad that you have hair.”
“The only compelling reason I can think of to be in a relationship is that you’d have someone to pick your clothes out for you.”
“I’m totally down to cuddle but can we please not talk?”
“Is it bad to say you have double D’s because you’re fat?”
“I want to kill a cow with a knife.”
“Maybe you should take me out on a real date before you finger me.”
“Before we even sit down, I need to know if this is going anywhere. I don’t want to waste time with you if you aren’t interested in getting married and having children.”
“If I get in the car, you’re not going to try to harvest my organs…..right?”
“Vin Diesel was my dungeon master.”
“If I just wanted to get laid, I’d go to a club…”
“Do you have a carpenter fetish, or am I really just fixing this drawer?”
“I’m really happy about where my career is right now. Things are really lining up. Also, I’m selling mad ecstasy out of my apartment. Brooklyn is AWESOME.”
“I like it when you moan. It sounds like some porn star shit.”
“You remind me of a Muppet. In a good way.”
“Oh, by the way, I’m involved in a polyamorous BDSM relationship.”
“Wait. If we’re going to do this, I’m going to need to smoke more pot.”
“Did the crying freak you out last night?”
“I like your feet. Do you think I could hump them? No? Maybe lick them?”
DEAR READER,
thanks for your time!
things my date really said last night is only as hilarious as your worst date.
please contribute a quote and spread the word by following us on facebook.
THANK YOU <3
“It saddens me that you’re only with me when you’ve been drinking.”
“It’s okay, I only need you once more tonight.”
“Don’t you think I look a lot like your dog?”
“Aren’t there, like, a lot of black people in Atlanta?”
