May 2011
1 post
“I’m really good at not getting people pregnant.”
April 2011
1 post
“I love the way your cum smells, but don’t think I’m going to taste it.”
March 2011
19 posts
“I never dated anyone that doesn’t listen to music with lyrics before.”
“Not to scare you, but if you happen to see any lipstick stains on my dick then I just want you to know that they’re from like a few weeks ago and I’m not really with the girl so I’m not cheating with you or anything.”
“It’s not a cold sore! I bumped my lip on a biscuit!”
“Before this date actually gets going. One thing you should know, I’m going to be staring at your tits the whole night.”
“You got a lot of crazy going on; it kinda makes me want to fuck you.”
“I’ve been told by many girls that I’m really good a sex. Would you mind puting me on the condom? I don’t know how to do it.”
(After serving me the first course of a meal he prepared, he pulled out his dick…) “I really need to cum.”
“i know this is our first date, but I want you to know, I can fist you anally or vaginally, whichever you want”
“You better leave those glasses on, because for what we’re gonna do...”
“My therapist thinks the only reason I hooked up with you is because I have a sex addiction.”
“How about you and I get out of here and I make a mess in your mouth.”
“Wow… you have nice chesticles.”
“For your information, Miss Know-It-All, all of my relationships ended because they either moved or died. Had nothing to do with my views on the three date rule. I have been in three relationships. Two died and one moved. All of them I had sex within the first hour of knowing them.”
“I really like having sex with you, but I feel like I need to focus on Yoga and Chanting.”
“My mom is really spiritual, and when my parents first made love, she said she could see into my dad’s soul.”
“My friends are laughing at me, but I think you’re cute.”
“Thank god you wore high heels, if you had worn flats I wouldn’t take you on another date.”
“I’ll give you head but we can’t have sex, i’m waiting for my results to come back.”
“Yeah, I need to go to the doctors because I have been finding blood in my urine.”
February 2011
14 posts
“You have huge boobs. Can i see your huge boobs?”
“I wish I could walk up to the bar and get any girl I wanted.”
“If I start choking you while we’re fucking, don’t worry. I’m not trying to kill you or anything…I just really enjoy choking people while fucking.”
“You know you want to see this Wonka Bar and find the golden ticket”
“If you shave down there, how will I know if your really a ginger? I only date gingers.”
“You got me all wet but that’s because I think I’m ovulating right now.”
“I would gladly drown in your vagina.”
“I looked through all your facebook pictures—all 900 of them. Don’t worry, we all have awkward stages.”
“If you’d just have sex with me, we can relax and get to all that getting to know each other stuff.”
“If you don’t believe in the afterlife and Heaven you can’t have any sort of moral compass in life.”
“I think if I had met your friends first, I’d have gone with one of them.”
“You need to stop using big words like apathy around me.”
“I just want to make out with your feet.”
“Yeah um I just got back from Michigan… I was up there visiting this hooters waitress and she stole my ID so I couldn’t get back on the plane.”
November 2010
4 posts
若いときたくさん知らない人とHしたからインポだ。( I’m impotent because I had sex with too many “unknown people” when I was young.)
“Alan, you’re such a great guy… It’s too bad you’re going to Hell.”
“Monday after school I’m gonna devastate you.”
“Why devastate?”
“It’s a good word. And also the name of my fantasy football team.”
“You only like hip-hop white people are supposed to like.”
October 2010
12 posts
“I only date Christian girls like you. It’s wrong for me to have sex with a muslim girl and then just ditch her”
“Just think of my dick as an ice cream cone, only it makes babies!”
“So, we probably shouldn’t see each other anymore. I’m actually a raging, raging alcoholic.”
“You’re missing out—I have this huge bag of crack.”
“When we get married, I can’t carry you.”
“I’ve always wanted someone to give me a hand job while reading an atlas… Will you?”
(while seeing my boobs for the first time) “You’re BIG! I mean, those are really going to come in handy one day, you know?”
“You look hot everyday except the days you don’t. Even on the days you’re not hot, she still is.”
“I know you don’t mean to be so annoying…”
“You’re really not going to let me use your toothbrush? Seriously? You just had my dick in your mouth.”
“Helen Keller? Wasn’t she on ‘Dancing With the Stars’?”