THINGS MY DATE REALLY SAID LAST NIGHT

true quotes from real dates. please contribute.

"I’m really good at not getting people pregnant."

"I love the way your cum smells, but don’t think I’m going to taste it."

"I never dated anyone that doesn’t listen to music with lyrics before."

"Not to scare you, but if you happen to see any lipstick stains on my dick then I just want you to know that they’re from like a few weeks ago and I’m not really with the girl so I’m not cheating with you or anything."

It’s not a cold sore! I bumped my lip on a biscuit!

"Before this date actually gets going. One thing  you should know, I’m going to be staring at your tits the whole night."

"You got a lot of crazy going on; it kinda makes me want to fuck you."

"I’ve been told by many girls that I’m really good a sex. Would you mind puting me on the condom? I don’t know how to do it."

(After serving me the first course of a meal he prepared, he pulled out his dick…) “I really need to cum.”

"i know this is our first date, but I want you to know, I can fist you anally or vaginally, whichever you want"

You better leave those glasses on, because for what we’re gonna do you’re gonna need 20-20 vision.

"My therapist thinks the only reason I hooked up with you is because I have a sex addiction."

"How about you and I get out of here and I make a mess in your mouth." 

"Wow… you have nice chesticles." 

"For your information, Miss Know-It-All, all of my relationships ended because they either moved or died. Had nothing to do with my views on the three date rule. I have been in three relationships. Two died and one moved. All of them I had sex within the first hour of knowing them."